you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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