At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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