I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
