Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
