I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
