I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
