You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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