It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
