can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think I sprained my soul last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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