Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
