Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
