Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
