You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
