Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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