you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
