it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize