The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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