TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
