i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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