she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize