I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
