Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
