We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
