Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
