Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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