it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I could make wine with my vomit
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
