She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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