bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize