He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
