The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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