I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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