My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
