I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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