My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
