My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
