Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
