tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
