I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
