I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
