It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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