Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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