He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
