The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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