so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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