So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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