so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize