Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
