I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
