youre lurking in front of me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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