guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
