Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
