if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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