I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
