Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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