Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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