Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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