party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
