3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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