Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
