Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
