I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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