Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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