So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
