You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
