its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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