Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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