We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
