he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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