1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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