from now on my penis is your penis
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
