eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
