Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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