Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
