wrigley field is MILF paradise
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
