my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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