Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
