Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
