just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
