I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
