So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
